Chevrobert
Valued Contributor
Posts: 3969
Loc: Braintree, Ma. USA
Reg: 06-14-08
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06-19-22 05:12 PM - Post#2843132
Here's some more of mine....,
Q: What do you call a tuna wearing a bow tie?
A: SoFISHticated!
Q: Why should you take extra socks when you golf?
A: You might get a Hole In One.
Q: How much did the clam donate to charity?
A: Zip, Nada, Nothing, he's shellfish.
Q: Why'd the hungry man turn his clock back?
A: He wanted to go back 4 seconds.
HAPPY FATHER'S DAY
Bob
'64 Impala SS
'77 Pontiac Ventura SJ
'83 Lincoln Towncar
Ain't to proud to think out loud.
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 TAT_2
Site Ambassador - Member #26 - "22st Year" Silver Supporting Member
Posts: 37934
Age: 69
Loc: "UNDER THE BOARDWALK"
Reg: 10-29-00
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06-20-22 05:04 AM - Post#2843137
In response to Chevrobert
U CAN TUNE A PIANO
BUT
U CAN'T TUNAFISH
09 PONTIAC- VIBE
08 PONTIAC- G6
93 VETTE - 40TH ANNIV- RUBY RED- LT1/6-SPD/RAG TOP
PREVIOUS VETTE'S 58,68,70,76,78,85,90
QUOTE FROM HELEN
"WHY YOU LOOKING AT THAT? YA KNOW YA WANT ANOTHER VETTE"
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 steve65
"7th Year" Gold Supporting Member
Posts: 1150
Age: 64
Loc: Langley, BC
Reg: 09-25-13
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07-10-22 10:04 AM - Post#2844135
In response to TAT_2
REO Speedwagon, I believe late ‘80’s.
LOL
Steve Duncan
66 Impala 2dr Coupe
Sold, gone to a better home.
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 grumpyvette
Senior Chevytalk Moderator -- Performance Subject Matter Expert --
Posts: 17774
Age: 75
Loc: farmersville texas USA
Reg: 03-16-01
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07-29-22 06:35 PM - Post#2845132
In response to steve65
A coach had put together the perfect team for the Detroit Lions. The only thing that was missing was a good quarterback. He had scouted all the colleges and even the Canadian and European Leagues, but he couldn't find a ringer who could ensure a Super Bowl win.
Then one night while watching CNN he saw a war-zone scene in Iraq. In one corner of the background, he spotted a young Iraqi soldier with a truly incredible arm. He threw a hand-grenade straight into a 15th story window 100 yards away.
KABOOM!
He threw another hand-grenade 75 yards away, right into a chimney.
KA-BLOOEY!
Then he threw another at a passing car going 90 mph.
BULLS-EYE!
"I've got to get this guy!" Coach said to himself."He has the perfect
arm!"
So, he brings him to the States and teaches him the great game of football. And the Lions go on to win the Super Bowl. The young man is hailed as the great hero of football, and when the coach asks him what he wants, all the young man wants is to call his mother.
"Mom," he says into the phone, "I just won the Super Bowl!"
"I don't want to talk to you, the old woman says."You deserted us. You are not my son!"
"I don't think you understand, Mother," the young man pleads "I've won the greatest sporting event in the world. I'm here among thousands of my adoring fans."
"No! Let me tell you!" his mother retorts. "At this very moment, there are gunshots all around us. The neighborhood is a pile of rubble. Your two brothers were beaten within an inch of their lives last week, and I have to keep your sister in the house so she doesn't get raped!"
The old lady pauses, and then tearfully says, "I will never forgive you for making us move to Detroit !"
NEXT
how the Washington political elite,
select the low bidder on government projects
ever wonder how the selection process works?
well we looked into it
recently Nancy Pelosi , decided we needed a 20 ft high electric fence around the area where congress meets ,
to protect the democrats from the VOTERS
they asked a local contractor from Virginia, and then
a contractor with impeccable references from Tennessee,
and a contractor from NANCY PELOSIS neighborhood in California
to bid on the job.
both the contractor from VIRGINIA and TENNESSEE spent the day surveying the job
and writing up detailed proposals listing materials , completion dates, etc,
the California contractor just stood, there grinning
and drinking from a brand new stainless coffee cup,
he purchased from the local starbucks,
the contractor from VIRGINIA said he could do the job in 30 days for $150,000
and contractor from TENNESSEE hearing that bid , said that's nuts!
I can do it in 25 days for only $78,000!
the contractor from California said that's insane!
Ill do the job for $950,000 in the same 25 days,
Nancy looked at the bids and the guy from California,
just stood there grinning and drinking a coffee from the local starbucks,
Nancy asked him how he could be competitive with a bid like that!
he stated, I figure, its the same deal we have here in Washington as we do for you out in California,
the bids $950,000, , the first $500K goes in your re-election campaign fund,
I get $372K, out of the $450K , off the top,
and the guy from TENN, with impeccable references, does the job for the $78k,
guess who go the job?
IF YOU CAN,T SMOKE THE TIRES AT WILL,FROM A 60 MPH ROLLING START YOUR ENGINE NEEDS MORE WORK!!"!
IF YOU CAN , YOU NEED BETTER TIRES AND YOUR SUSPENSION NEEDS MORE WORK!! |
Edited by grumpyvette on 07-29-22 06:36 PM. Reason for edit: No reason given.
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Chevrobert
Valued Contributor
Posts: 3969
Loc: Braintree, Ma. USA
Reg: 06-14-08
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08-03-22 11:02 PM - Post#2845417
In response to grumpyvette
I liked the first one!
Bob
'64 Impala SS
'77 Pontiac Ventura SJ
'83 Lincoln Towncar
Ain't to proud to think out loud.
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