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Username Post: if your old enough youll get this        (Topic#359898)
grumpyvette 
Senior Chevytalk Moderator -- Performance Subject Matter Expert --
Posts: 17667
grumpyvette
Age: 73
Loc: FLORIDA USA
Reg: 03-16-01
02-22-20 06:57 PM - Post#2787085    

an older married couple in their late 80s decide to visit the family doctor to discuss a problem they seem to be having,

they both sit down to talk to the doctor, and the old guy nudges the wife and says, well! you got me here... tell him...

the wife looks at the doctor and says ,
well the truth is I think my husbands memory is starting to fail....
I tell him something and 5 minutes later he forgets, what I told him....
the doctor points out that this is rather normal at their age,
and perhaps if its important they should carry a small lined pad and a pen and write down,
anything thats important as thats a sure way to remember.....

that evening the old husband is watching T.V. and gets up, and starts to walk out of the bedroom, the wife asked him where hes going>

he says I think I'd like some vanilla ice cream... she says that sounds like a great Idea...
please get her some also,
but remember I like chocolate sprinkles,
you better write it down!

the husband looks at her like shes crazy, and says
the kitchens 18 feet away.... Im not going to forget your sprinkles .....

about 15 munites later the husband returns with two plates with scrambled eggs and bacon....
the wife looks at the old guy and says..


I just knew if you failed to write it down you would forget...

and sure as blazes you did!
.
.
.

wheres MY TOAST!

IF YOU CAN,T SMOKE THE TIRES AT WILL,FROM A 60 MPH ROLLING START YOUR ENGINE NEEDS MORE WORK!!"!
IF YOU CAN , YOU NEED BETTER TIRES AND YOUR SUSPENSION NEEDS MORE WORK!!


 


TAT_2 
Site Ambassador - Member #26 - "20th Year" Silver Supporting Member
Posts: 37401
TAT_2
Age: 68
Loc: "UNDER THE BOARDWALK"
Reg: 10-29-00
03-09-20 03:07 PM - Post#2788317    
    In response to grumpyvette



09 PONTIAC- VIBE
08 PONTIAC- G6
93 VETTE - 40TH ANNIV- RUBY RED- LT1/6-SPD/RAG TOP

PREVIOUS VETTE'S 58,68,70,76,78,85,90


QUOTE FROM HELEN
"WHY YOU LOOKING AT THAT? YA KNOW YA WANT ANOTHER VETTE"












 
4dr 57 
Valued Contributor
Posts: 4756

Loc: Texas Hill Country
Reg: 11-10-04
03-21-20 07:22 AM - Post#2789121    
    In response to TAT_2








It's all good. Mostly


Edited by 4dr 57 on 03-21-20 07:27 AM. Reason for edit: No reason given.

 
VanLife 
Contributor
Posts: 903

Reg: 03-20-18
09-03-20 01:13 PM - Post#2802661    
    In response to 4dr 57

Think they are both over the bend LOL

when asking Questions its related to van I own: 1987 GMC 3/4 ton G2500 vandura, V6, No AC, standard length. 3speed trans(no overdrive).


 
grumpyvette 
Senior Chevytalk Moderator -- Performance Subject Matter Expert --
Posts: 17667
grumpyvette
Age: 73
Loc: FLORIDA USA
Reg: 03-16-01
09-03-20 05:30 PM - Post#2802678    
    In response to VanLife

new old/joke

leaving town one day this old texas ranchers is cruising slowly along listening to the radio in his rather beat-up pick-up truck,

when he spots a cute gal in a mini-skirt, hitch hiking along a deserted stretch of highway,

shes got her thumb out and looks really rather tired and a bit bedraggled,

so he pulls over and askes her if she would like a ride,

well shes a bit hesitant, but she gets in since he looks harmless,

and shes dead tired...

so she gets in and he starts driving and tries to start a conversation,

asking her where shes going?

BUT,just about that time a large jack rabbit darts across the highway ...

and the truck wheels clearly crush it,

the bump and sickening sounds bring the girl to instant tears,

shes sobbing and turns to the rancher pleading for him to stop and help the poor rabbit!....

the ranchers rather surprised at this since there's a couple million jack rabbits in texas,

and that's hardly a rare occurrence...


but looking at her face and tears, he stops the truck, backs up and gets out , examines the rabbit....

that's now a fur and blood pizza complete with tire tracks........

the girls nearly hysterical, demanding the rancher finds a VET,

to help the poor rabbit (WHICH IS OBVIOUSLY WAY PAST HELP),

the rancher thinks a bit, and walks back to the truck,

reaches under the seat in the pick-up and grabs what appears to be a can of spray paint,

he walks back to the girl, and says,.. look miss I don,t know if this will work... so stand back!,

he sprays the crushed rabbit... soaks it good and walks back a few yards,

not much happens for a few seconds but then to both of their amazement the rabbit jumps 3 feet in the air,

runs 10 feet, turns and waves at them,

instantly it runs another 10 feet and stops and waves,

again and again, it repeated until the rabbits far out of sight!

the girl dumbfounded looks at the rancher... and back to where the rabbit was,

and askes with wide eyes.....mister what was in that can?,

...........................................................................

.................................

the old rancher reaches into his pocket for his glasses

and reads slowly from the cans instructions........................................................

..............................................

......................................................

......................................................

......................................................

.....................................

PREMIUM HAIR RESTORER WITH PERMENANT WAVE!

IF YOU CAN,T SMOKE THE TIRES AT WILL,FROM A 60 MPH ROLLING START YOUR ENGINE NEEDS MORE WORK!!"!
IF YOU CAN , YOU NEED BETTER TIRES AND YOUR SUSPENSION NEEDS MORE WORK!!


 
grumpyvette 
Senior Chevytalk Moderator -- Performance Subject Matter Expert --
Posts: 17667
grumpyvette
Age: 73
Loc: FLORIDA USA
Reg: 03-16-01
09-03-20 05:31 PM - Post#2802680    
    In response to grumpyvette

an old Texas millionaire dies and finds himself standing in front of Saint PETER,
who smiles puts his hand out to welcome him into heaven and says,
"welcome to heaven...we get darn few Texas millionaires, up here
but according to our records you've just barely qualified for admission,
so let me show you around"
the first place Saint PETER, shows him has a 40 room mansion, a 120 foot long yacht and a 18 hole golf course,
and he finds he gets too live there with a dozen cute female angels.
.he looks the place over and says...WELL....
I guess its ok but my place in Austin was nicer!
.
.
the next place doesn,t seem to impress him either...,
as he finds it less impressive than his old place in Huston,
.
.

and the old Texan makes it plain he can,t seem to find much in HEAVEN,
that looks better than TEXAS!
Saint PETER somewhat surprised shows him an even larger more impressive place,
and he's still not impressed,
Saint PETER, who is now rather upset,
grabs this Texan and walks over to the edge of a cloud and standing on the edge leans the Texan well out over the edge on his tiptoes,
and forces him to look strait down into HELL,
the old texas rancher now looking down,
thru a column blistering sulfur smoking cloud and smoke from the fires,
and saint peter.
.says,
I suppose you've got a bigger and hotter fire than that one in Texas too!
the Texans now rather shaken and now pale and sweating profusely and says...
. NO!.NO! WAY,
that's one dandy fire you got there all right!
..............saint peter, starts to smile knowing hes made his point................
until the Texan says......
but we do have a good old boy name of RED ADAIR ,
who could probably put that fire out if its been ah,
bothering you much when he gets here!!

https://en.wikipedia.org/wiki/Red_Adair

IF YOU CAN,T SMOKE THE TIRES AT WILL,FROM A 60 MPH ROLLING START YOUR ENGINE NEEDS MORE WORK!!"!
IF YOU CAN , YOU NEED BETTER TIRES AND YOUR SUSPENSION NEEDS MORE WORK!!


Edited by grumpyvette on 09-03-20 05:31 PM. Reason for edit: No reason given.

 


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